when every observation
even the most tender one
is being perceived
as an attack
communication becomes
if not impossible
then highly simplistic
and purely unilateral
shut
being told to shut your mouth
is neither very elegant
nor very pleasant
all the more
that the reason to speak out
was never to harm anyone
rather the shy expression of
a deep longing for forgiveness
repentance
forgiveness
as repentance
is only possible
once the fault is recognised as such
skipped
feeling responsible
for the emotional state of others
may that be
a close relation
or passing strangers
can easily turn into
a daily
nightmare
when the responsibility
for one’s own emotional state
is skipped in the equation
overpowering
being unable to perceive
one’s own needs
and interests
is not only harmful
it is overpoweringly sad
fragmented
when acting becomes
the solution to everything
life is being fragmented into decisions
where grief has no reason to be
as if everything was possible to change
even death
which is in the end
the only thing
none of us can
escape
disposition
so much emotional pain
mounting to the surface
that standing erect can be
nothing but
an inner disposition
after having tried for too long to do
everything right
in order to get rid of the feeling of being
wrong
overpowering
being unable to reach
beyond one’s own needs
and interests
is not only harmful
it is overpoweringly sad
bottom
there is nothing glamorous
in the feeling
of being
a burden
nothing nourishing
nothing uplifting
there is only weighing down
till the bottom has been touched
and something beyond
can finally crack open
years
being told systematically
that one’s perceptions are false
year after year after year
is undermining the faculty of
discernment
being told systematically
that one’s basic needs are unjustified
year after year after year
is unsound
being given to observe
this has been the case
is a healing balm on what had become
a tortured mind