befriending death
can be
an experience of wonder
where
fear no longer
rules
discerning
discerning what might be
our proper needs
nothing to do with
expectations
nor
imaginations of
who we would like
to be
is like opening
a treasure
causing
when a heart has been told
over and over again
that
loving is sinful
it ends up closed
causing the current to find
its own ways
of expression
though barely aligned
with truth
flooding
and then shame
finally shame
heaps of shame
flooding every corner of
the being
nowhere to escape
nowhere to hide
nowhere to find
respite
just shame
to be faced
acknowledged
and recognised as such
as shame only thrives
where love is lacking
fake
when the force to fake
is running out
a whole world is indeed
falling a part
yet
behind that veil
of ignorance
and pretentiousness
is a marvel to be found
stark
awakening from a state
full of meaning and sense
joy and happiness
into a reality
deprived of purpose
is such a stark contrast
that the grip is loosening
and the narrative
which used to hold everything together
is lost
sinful
being afraid
is not to be
confused with
being humble
being modest
can also be
an expression of pride
being sinful can be
the greatest relief
to acknowledge
since it is in that proper moment
mercy begins to touch
the world
judgement
feeling guilty
is one thing
staying with the feeling
without proceeding into judgment
another
none of it
is pleasant
yet
somehow
an opening towards mercy
might appear
aligned
purifying layers
of guilt
can be
a meticulous task
where what was considered
to be wrong
might be
the proper thing to do
for what was twisted
to become
aligned again
the way ahead
no longer to be
afraid
does by no means
mean
the way ahead is obvious
though it might mean
that
a certain amount of trust
to surrender
to the unknown
is taking the lead